When you get lifed

My mother has a saying, 'sometimes you just get lifed'. It means that things happen out of the blue and totally screw with your plans. Well, that's happened to me. Weston and I were both planning on going back to school this fall and I was going to do this neat show called SNAP and we were going to move right along. But in the course of one hour, all our little plans disappeared. I found out that I didn't actually get the part that paid in the show and that my financial aid wasn't going to be enough to pay for school and we couldn't take out the money for student loans. That was about a half hour of time.

I can't tell you how devastating it was for me to have a job as a performer and plans to go to school and then have both ripped away from me in a matter of minutes. So Weston and I prayed about it and thought and decided that I needed to quit the show and not go to school and find a full time job to pay for Westons last year of schooling. Because he only has a year left, it will work really well. I'll work and save money and then when he is done, I will go to BYU and finish up my schooling there. I have a 3.5 so I should be able to get in.

But here is the problem, it's been about three weeks now and I still don't have a job and I'm starting to get a little deflated. It's hard to keep a good attitude when every interview I go on doesn't become anything and I don't want to hope that I get a job because when they don't call me, it hurts. Its been the hardest trial of my faith in my life. More so then when I was 17. When I was 17 it didn't matter as much because I was still maturing and growing into the person I am today. Back then I didn't know what I wanted in my life and I needed time to figure out that music really was the way I wanted to go.

Now I have a family to take care of. Rent, insurance, utilities, CC payments etc...that are always there, just over my shoulder reminding me that they aren't going to go away just because we don't have the money to pay for it. One of the cards has a $100 payment and I have no idea how were're going to pay it.

The one thing that keeps running through my head is that God will provide for us...I just wonder if he's going to make us at the end of our rope before we find a latter to take down the rest of the way. A couple in our ward, that is exactly what happened to them. They were at the end of the money and literally had nothing left and then she found a job and so did he. I know the Lord will provide a way for us to continue, but I can't help but as for WHEN?