Crap feeling

I feel like crap. That seems to be a general theme for the past few days. I'll feel great, then I'll feel like crap, like right now. I don't understand whats wrong with my body. So here was todays experience. I was home, totally fine, cleaning and putting things away when I was suddenly hit with an overwhelming fever, chills and sweats. I had that for the rest of the night. But yesterday I had felt fine and the day before that I had felt great, but it was like a sludge hammer and now I can't sleep.

Now the can't sleeping could possibly be because I ate total crap today. Well, I did okay until I started to feel blah. I had two protein shakes and some string cheese. Then when I started to feel sick, I had weston stop and get something from Bajio. Not the most nutritious of meals. Then I was craving ice cream so we went to Macys. But when we got to the deli counter, the girl working was taking a really, really long time. Weston went to get some drugs for my headache (on the other side of the store) and by the time he came back, she still hadn't taken my order. When she finally saw fit to help me, she made me the wrong shake and when I pointed this out, she said there wasn't enough Reese Cups to make a Reese Shake. Well, the whole point of going to Macys was to get a Reese Shake, so I wasn't going to settle for an Oreo Shake. I told her just to take it off my bill, but she said she couldn't because the card had cleared already.

Wonderful!

So the whole point of getting off the couch with a headache, chills, and a fever was for naught. Great.

After reading over that I realize that sounds kind of snarky. I'm not blaming the Maceys girl. It's not her fault... well, it is, but I shouldn't expect really hight quality service from a grocery girl.

Great, that sounded snarky too. I'm just going to move on.

So finals are all done. I got through them alive. YEA! I got an A on my final paper for Critical Theory. It was done on Postcolonialism and Avatar. If you know what that is and have seen the movie, its an amazing study. I got into a big discussion with some of the people from work about it right after I finished the paper last week. It always suprises me when people think certain actors are not very good. Like Sam Worthington and Zoe Saldana. I don't know if it is a world wide phenomenon, but here in Utah, I find that if something is popular, the general populace has to hate it. It's so strange. I call it the Utah Bubble. Everything that is popular outside of UT isn't all that popular inside of Utah. Like the Osmonds. One of the biggest teen pop sensations of their time, but they couldn't perform in Utah because of the prejudice and hatred here for them. Take the Twilight books and movies by Stephenie Meyer. While there is a large group that love them, there is a really large group that not only don't like, but attack anyone who does like them, calling them stupid, ignorant, uneducated etc... It really doesn't make sense to me. Back to Avatar. It make over 700 million dollars in the United States and over a billion in the world, but it has bad acting (says some Utahns). How could a movie make over a billion dollars, but not have good actors? I think sometimes, Utah feels the need to be counter to everything just because 50% of the populace are Mormon and are already counter to a lot of things. Okay, I'm kind of on a rant, but its something that really bothers me.

No more coke before bed!

Okay, seriously, no more coke before bedtime. Now I can't sleep. Great, so now I'm awake (again) blogging. It seems the only time I blog now is when I can't sleep. So I'm watching Hulu and I am so sick and tired of all of the Haiti relief ads. It's not that I don't feel for the Haitians and feel we need to help and get things going. But with how many advertisements there are for help, its driving me crazy! I will give, when I want to give, but not by pictures of little children and fallen houses. I know this may sound kind of harsh, but it feels like it's getting shoved down our throats. Every other ad on Hulu is the salvation army. BLAH!

So finals are done and I feel relieved. I can't believe I've finished my first year back to school! This is so great! It was strange to be in school and now it's strange to be out of school. I keep feeling like I need to be doing something, doing homework, but I don't have any.

So its the start of May so I'm pushing back into my work out regime. I really would like to loose 30 lbs. by August. My high school 5 year reunion. Yippie. I'm not very excited about it, I don't know if I want to see all those people again. I kind of pushed away from them because I didn't have a senior year. I went from junior to freshmen in college.

singing again!!!

So my first recital in five years...it was intense. I don't think I've been that nervous to sing before in my life. I was number 9 so I had to wait. Waiting is the worst part of performing. Then just as I was about to get up to sing, they let another person go first because she needed to go to work. It frickin' sucked! All that adrenalin completely went to waste! It congealed in my stomach and I was ready to throw up!
I finally got up and while it was a little shaky, I thought it went well for my first time singing in public in five years! It was so fantastic, I felt so great. Like for the first time I was in connection with God and really doing what I was born to do. It was different then my love for writing. I just have fun with it, but singing just put me in a new place.

Here is the video. Comment and let me know what you think!

Have to do my homework...ahhh!

I have been totally slacking off. It's been spring break this past week, so I didn't have classes on Thursday. But I've had to deal with my sister, Heather, who was sick with Strep Throat on Monday and Tuesday. Then I had to work on Wednesday and Thursday I just didn't do anything. Friday I got sick and I've been really sick ever since. So I haven't done any of my homework. That is a really bad thing. So, now I am off to doing my homework. Bully for me!

I can't sleep!

I can't sleep. I've been sick and now I can't sleep. I took three melatonan and feel asleep very quickly, but I woke up around 3:30am and am still awake. I've been surfing the web, looking at different videos. I found an episode of Tyra about vampires. It's weird because there are these people that believe they are vampires. But all they are really doing is energy manipulation. The a women is talking right now about her ability to manipulate energy and she believes in Karma and whatnot. Some of what she talks about makes sense, but other things she says is just confused and weird. It's sad to see her be so confused about her life.

I am so tired!!!!!! I can't sleep. I'm staring at the clock and willing my eyes to get tired. But they won't!!!!!! Blah!!

Can't sleep...I HATE IT!

So, it's almost one in the morning and I can't sleep. But I am in good company, I'm with Gordon Ramsey! I'm watching Kitchen Nightmares. I'm so in love with that show!!!!! I found it today and I haven't been able to stop watching. I feel like Gordon has a very big heart and don't dodge the truth. He's a little harsh, but he really cares about what happens with these resturants. I love hearing the cooks talk about how Gordon helped the resturant. But it suprises me that the cooks will say the things about him that they say. He's a world class chef and has three amazing resturants all over the world and has been renounded as the best chef in the world. The cooks are mostly jerks and think they know the best, completely ignoring or arguing with Gordon. If I had a chef like the in my kitchen, I would do everything I could to learn from him, especially if I liked cooking. Which I don't...if you didn't know. But normally they come around and love Gordon by the end.

Something that bothered me at first was the amount of cussing. Chef Gordon says the F work and the S word all the time. But I think after watching like 7 episodes, I figured him out. He doesn't cuss when he is angry, he cusses all the time. When he's happy, when he's excited, when he's pissed...all the time. So, know I understand when he is talking when he's angry or when he's happy.

Jay Hopler in my class!!!!!

So I really love my creative writing class. Today Jay Hopler came in and talked with us about writing and creating images. I'm sure you don't know who Jay Hopler is, I definatly didn't. Jay is a poet from SLC and I think DC, but I could be totally wrong. He writes these amazingly images that just grab you and refuse to let go. Below is a poem by him called Gardening. He told us the story behind the poem. He had gone into his family doctor and was told that everything he enjoyed eating he couldn't eat anymore and everything he enjoyed doing he couldn't do anymore. He was really depressed and the following poem came out. (Please note that I do not own this poem or anything associated with it. It is copywrited by Jay Hopler.)

Gardening

1/

What else is one to do — when one has so little and so little to look

Forward to? Today, I staked the tomatoes; tomorrow, it’s going to

rain.

2/

A cool, wet spring and everything rotten —.

3/

Forget about your bones,

This wet gets in the soul,



The spirit, whatever you

Want to call it, that pilot



Light we’re all so proud

Of, and makes you wish



Its sad dim flame would

Just hiss-out — the water-



Logged fronds of the tin

Palms dripping, the gate

Swinging, sodden, on its

Hinge.



4/

The thunder down its heavy leather

Lays and from the ruined garden by the lake a hazy murmuration

lifts into the rain-lit

Air, blurs into the mists that swirl there,

Then settles in thin wing-swept breaths

Back

Into the maidenhair —

5/



I have an idea, let’s all live forever!

6/

If it doesn’t rain tomorrow, maybe I’ll water the tea roses; maybe

I’ll weed something.

As soon as he read this one to us, I fell in love! He had a few others that he read to us and I was enthralled with him and his ability to create images. I want to be like that. I asked him when he knew he wanted to be a poet and not just a writer. His response was a little sad, but very honest. He was in college and set on being the next Steven King. He had always loved the horror genre and had his mind set that he was going to become a fiction/horror writer. There was one problem...he coudln't write fiction. His professor said somthing to that effect, but that he wasn't too bad at poetry, maybe he should try that instead.

I guess we should hunt down that professor and sing his/her praise! Because of that, Jay decided to go to poetry and what a treat! Everyone should go get his poetry and read it! Here is a link to his website. Please go check it out! http://www.jayhopler.com/